Wisdom

I think for most of us, thinking about courage leads to people who do heroic things. First responders, firefighters, EMT’s or those who have associations with safety and security issues. As I sit back and ponder courage my thoughts broaden and begin to see the behavior in a more personal and intimate way. I think about the courage it takes to do things alone. How someone holding onto their integrity against others who try to influence through peer pressure uses courage.  

Courage is in all of us. Courage is a bravery to hold on when called for or to step out when needed.  It’s the ability to address conflict or have a difficult conversation with grace and equanimity. All of us face challenges in life that take courage. Courage lies in the vulnerability of sharing ourselves with each other.  

I turn to nature once again to find examples of courage in the world. It’s in the vigilance of the birds and animals standing up fending off predators. It’s in all the biological adaptations that occur for the survival of the earth.  

“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather that the assessment of something else is more  important than fear.” Franklin D. Roosevelt  

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and  listen.” Winston Churchill  

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” E. E. Cummings

Here are some words I wrote to myself to keep me focused on the importance of loving.  September 2022  

The whole country is burning. All over there are extreme heat warnings and torrential rains. It’s a mess. It seems to me that we are all acting as if it’s just a part of life we need to tolerate and get used to. I have my fingers crossed that someone braver and more intelligent than me is paying attention and trying to work on it. The problem as I see it is we all have to take our responsibility in it. I try… and then I know I don’t do enough.  

Off to visit with (some folks). It will be a long trip and I know I will be full when I get back. I am writing to help keep my focus on the power of love and seeing the world as bigger than just what is happening in front of me. That’s all to say I need to practice and manage myself accordingly. I know I don’t want or need to do the empathic job. But I do want/need to keep intensity and neediness away from me. Some bullet points:  

• They are all adults. Adults who have taken care of themselves quite well  without my help or influence.  
• They are not going to change. No matter what I suggest, think or value all of that is  mine, not theirs.  
• They are doing the best they can with what they have…Just like you.  
• Tolerance, love and understanding. Listening is a blessing I can give them.  o Keep my sense of humor in the forefront.
• Be the example of love you would like to see in the other person.

Here’s somethings of inspiration to think about.  

The world around us… not the people but the world. Nature. The flowers, the trees, the sea and  oceans. The power of the ocean as it ebbs and flows. The wind. Each formed continent. The persistence of nature as it adapts each day. The four seasons: autumn, winter, spring and summer.  A sunrise. A sunset.  

People. Scholars who have studied and learned much more than we will ever know. Someone’s heart-warming story about their struggles and the positive outcome. Someone who has the courage to hold onto their integrity in the face of questioning or adversity.  

Art, music, dance. Purposeful words, a poem. Getting up everyday and facing what ever comes your way with dignity and equanimity. The ability to trust that you can do something. Watching a person contemplate and change their process… for the good. Taking a first step.  

Through writing to a prisoner, I made a friend. Here are some words from both of us that I think speak to inspiration.  

“I remember when I didn’t like much to change, but now I can see the importance of it. I’ve learned  it’s not good to be stuck in the same old rut. We need new challenges to grow in life.”  

“Now I find myself reinventing myself again as besides losing my job…I also lost my husband…”  

“I think the key is sitting still long enough to listen.” “I couldn’t agree more. I used to tell them (group members) to “listen with your eyes”.  

“You know, I’ve missed out on so much in life; and it’s not so much the material things it’s the quality time spent with those you love, and those you can learn from. I’ve needed those positive relationships that help transform changes in others.”  

“I wonder why we as people tend to find changes in others so hard to believe.”

Some of us are born with an intuitive sense of purpose. From a young age, knowing a goal or  direction that gives them satisfaction and a sense of self-worth. For most of us however, a  goal-given direction may not be as obvious. These folks are sometimes referred to as “jack of all trades, master of none”.  

Experience in living tells me that having a sense of purpose is important. It provides a will to live. A  will to fulfill dreams and to fulfill destinies. It gives us hope to believe in what may come. Like time,  sense of purpose changes as lives grow older and minds learn more about life.  

Sense of purpose is influenced by our connections with each other. The influence starts young in our  lives with our parents. Their beliefs, values, needs and wants maybe passed down from generation  to generation. Things that may be important to them, influence the importance to us. My father  stressed the importance of being self-sufficient and financially secure. That purpose held true to me  throughout my life as it does now. There is no right or wrong here, only influence. The child grows  with the influences. Some of them speak louder than others. Some of the influences have more priority in life.  

As I am now in my elderly years I look back and see many well-intended influences that were given to  me. Some have proven to be helpful and some not so much. I see now that I learned from all of them.  I have learned either to accept the influence and use to enhance my life. Or, through observation or  experience I learned what influences were not conducive to bettering my life journey. Either way I learned.  

Looking back, I also know I am in the space and place that I was destined to be. I am the woman  made from all the past generations and influences that gave my lie definition. Acceptance of my  meaning and purpose is a blessing. One that I struggled with for a long time. I wonder if others do  too.

Nothing feels quite like a good laugh. It feeds the soul, stretches our smile, and usually provides a “break” in the rhythm of our everyday lives. Every day life can be funnier than anything made up.
So, I offer this picture.  

Now, for some philosophical points about humor and laughter.

There is lots to be said about laughter and different things in life that can be humorous. What one finds funny may not be the same for others. Laughter at someone else’s expense is cheap. It is the lowest form of humor and often times it creates ill will and resentments. That said, most people will find humor at someone else’s expense.

Learning to find humor in most life situations helps make the challenge a little more tolerable. It changes the trajectory of an event and can shift one’s thinking. It opens the door for creativity and for possibilities. Humor/laughter can be a positive way to tackle difficult situations. A bit of caution however as the unknown experiences of all involved can trigger different feelings and thoughts about how the situation may be perceived.

Laughter may be used as a deflection. It can take someone out of feelings of anxiousness or being nervous. It can hide pain. It can also be used to dismiss other unwanted or unpleasant feelings.

For most times in life, laughter is a good thing.

We all have times in our lives when we need to make big decisions. Again, I will turn to the process of “how” something gets done, not the decision itself. I have found that using my “gut instinct” can give a perspective of reality that using my brain may not. Using both is essential of course. And it’s a tricky thing, as both parts are big influences on how a decision gets made. I believe that taking time to sit and allowing myself to consider my inter-feelings and the consequences (on myself and
on others) greatly influences the conclusion of my decision.

That brings me to thinking about trust. Trust in one’s abilities to make a decision that will be satisfying and have the appropriate outcome. Smaller decisions ending in success grows confidence in our ability to make bigger ones. It develops the trust. It gives us positive feedback and supports self-confidence. It furthers our determination in our capability to guide our lives. Trust is a powerful asset in positioning positive outcomes.

Making big decisions needs time, germination and follow-through. Time to conceive; and time to develop the conception. I envision a funnel that gets filled to the top with ideas. No matter how silly, quirky or absurd they may seem. Then, one by one, tossing away the ideas that don’t fit or make sense.

Once the concept is in place, the germination begins. Attaching ideas to a decision.
Processing feelings and thoughts about each idea. Looking for decisions that lead to positive outcomes. Also, checking the validity of the idea. Does it make sense for the intention of the decision? If it does, keeping it in the mix for further consideration.

Follow-through comes from the “trying on” of the ideas. Using resources, acquiring
knowledge-asking experts, using hard data and bouncing ideas off of others…that you trust. People who have made good decisions in their lives; and who have been successful in their outcomes. Questioning the information received and questioning what is not being said or considered. Yes, for a sound decision all of this takes time.

Sometimes, but not often, making a big decision needs a quick answer. Quick decisions really only need to be made when the situation is an emergency. When something needs to be reacted to. Emergencies are usually few and far between. At least they should be. If you are living your life with too many emergencies, or you find yourself continually reacting you might want to step back and re-evaluate.

That said sometimes emergencies come into our lives and a big decision needs to be made immediately. When this happens, I encourage you to talk. Again, talk to those you trust and to those who have given you useful information in the past. Also, seek out a professional or someone who might have more expertise than you have. Listen to their wisdom. Take the wisdom and massage it with your feelings and with your mind. Again, talk about the “expert ideas” with others you trust. Be curious and ask questions. Feel the process in your gut. Does it feel “right” or is there a nagging bothersome that occurs when you think of it? If there is some trepidation it is to be expected. But, the trepidation needs to be about the unknowns
surrounding the situation. Not about the ability to make the decision.